Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
