how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
