..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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