I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize