can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish you could order shots online.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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