haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
