Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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