im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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