to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize