i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
