They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
These tits shall not be calmed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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