No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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