I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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