One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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