Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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