The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
