hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
