Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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