Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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