i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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