he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Randomize
