Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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