YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
