Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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