then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Green mimosas i think yes
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize