Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
