Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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