Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize