just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Two words: blizzard sex
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
