My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
