If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
