The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
