What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
