I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
