the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
