Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
