My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
