Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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