I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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