there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
