it hurts more in the daytime
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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