Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
