its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
