well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
