she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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