i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
