Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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