True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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