Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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