okay pat passed out under dana's car
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
