my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
