We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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