he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize