One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
