I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
