Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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