It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
