Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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