Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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