he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
