clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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