I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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