I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You may now shotgun with the bride
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
