i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
