even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
