Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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