so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
