If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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