So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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