ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
