Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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