She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
