Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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