just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Who died my cat blue again?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
