Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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