This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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