peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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