Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
