i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
