Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
