omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize
