Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
