I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
