Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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