if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
