I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
