im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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