you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
